Steven + Connie: True Love’s Indirect Kiss

Steven Universe is an animated cartoon that strives to handle familiar but complicated concepts with a tact and a carefully worded wisdom that you almost never see in television or popular media. Almost everything on this show is chosen delicately and precisely in order to make the messages and metaphors come across as they were intended. And because every element was set up and defined in just the right way, it allows for numerous simultaneous interpretations. Check out my previous SU related post to learn more about the show’s story and premise: “The Profoundness of Alone Together.”

Today, I would like to highlight something that I only now have recognized as something truly special and unwaveringly honest: Steven and Connie’s relationship.

Now I can’t speak for how others have felt or how others currently feel, but for the longest time, I wasn’t really sure what I could call Steven+Connie, because it never felt like they had made anything official. Their friendship basically transformed into a more affectionate relationship without anyone making any specific declarations. They haven’t asked each other out, they haven’t “gone steady,” they haven’t talked about “love” in any romantic capacity except in regards to Jamie the mailman and his infatuation with Garnet. And most noticeable of all, they haven’t kissed. It’s true that they are still kids, and probably about 10 years old at the most; but don’t try telling me that’s too young to understand what kissing is. Toddlers kiss each other and we call it cute and innocent. 6 year olds have been known to kiss and it’s still cute with the parents. 11 and 12 year old protagonists have kissed in cartoons before. Heck, the kids on Hey Arnold were supposed to be 9 years old, and Helga had a deeply concerning obsession with making-out with Arnold. So it’s not really that unbelievable or impossible to imagine something like that here. And yet with Connie and Steven, it’s been hard to say if it’s something they would even ever do on the show.

The show was quite clever at one point by trying to convince us through misleading dialogue that Steven was being secretive, and didn’t want his true affection and “love” for Connie to be spilled to her: perhaps because he felt embarrassed and/or unsure how she would respond. But the episode “Open Book” does a brilliant thing by not only showing that Steven was actually worried about hurting Connie’s feelings over his preference for the romantic and the cliched with reference to a favorite novel of theirs, but by showing that the two of them are already strong enough in bond to know how the other feels about them, without ever needing to come out and say it. They already love each other in some capacity, even if they don’t use the word.

This revelation also illustrates another strong point about the two: that while romance and the typical tropes of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are nice to have and are easy to expect, those things are unnecessary when it comes to the strength, the respect, the admiration, the trust, and the genuine attraction that is evident in the relationship Connie and Steven have. They exist in a bond outside the common imagery and formalities, which could actually serve to cheapen the relationship that they have if they were being used here, and make it feel trite and unnatural.

In fact, when I had my first girlfriend (bit of a personal story for a change), I asked her out because I was kind of desperate to know what it felt like to have a girlfriend. Understandable, right? She was someone I had just met in my first high-school art class, about a year older than me. Nice person, decent conversationalist. And the first thing I did was I made a card for her asking her if she would like to go with me to the school dance that was a week away. But the thing was, when I asked her to go out with me a few days after the dance, she said yes only because she felt really awkward about saying no, and hurting my feelings. Also understandable. And I suppose even though I didn’t know this fact at the time, my understanding of her feelings never showed me anything genuine with regards to how she felt about it. It felt like we were both just going through the motions—almost on auto-pilot—just trying to get something (if anything) out of what we had started. Though I’m sure me more than her. And it didn’t last long: about 3 weeks at most. We never really did much during that time either. The only thing we did do was kiss and hug before we both left on our separate buses for the day. Beyond that, we sat together in the library a few times, we talked at lunch I think. But there was nothing genuine beneath our facade: beneath this veil of formality that we both felt obligated to uphold despite no emotional or personal connection. I had also never kissed a girl before, so even though there wasn’t any love or affection in said daily kisses, I still wanted to do it because it gave me some mild satisfaction.

But that’s the thing, without a solid foundation of mutual love, understanding, and respect, all kissing is is a mild and cheap form of instant gratification and satisfaction; not with Steven or Connie, but with the audience. WE may want to see Steven and Connie have that first kiss, but they are not at all ready yet: personally or emotionally. Yes their relationship is strong, but they are also not the kissing type. Well, Steven is, but Connie has clearly shown that she isn’t quite that way at this time in her life, and we can all tell that Steven respects that.

I have no doubt that Steven is likely day-dreaming once in a while about kissing Connie. He is a lover after all, as Connie has pointed out. And it may even feel weird to him that he hasn’t done it yet, or asked her if he could. But his admiration and respect for Connie is too strong to ever let his feelings come before hers. And again, kissing is not something that their relationship even needs right now, especially as far as they’re concerned, in order to define it as an “exclusive” relationship.

After the last couple of dozen episodes, it is far more clear now than ever that Connie and Steven are boyfriend and girlfriend; but I actually find it strange to call them that. Only if Steven actually comes out and says “Connie is my girlfriend” will I be a little more willing to call them as such. But I almost feel that if Steven ever does say that, then something dramatic is going to happen that will test their relationship, and things could get rocky for a bit. I don’t mean to scare anybody, but there has to be a few reasons why Steven has never called her that, and why Connie hasn’t called him that.

Just in the last episode we had, called “Nightmare Hospital,” Steven referred to Connie as “My Connie.” Now I’ve heard some knee-jerk remarks–by what I do consider to be caricatures of feminists in movies, and not a proper representation of all feminists– saying things like “I am not your girl,” or “I am not your property,” or “you do not own me.” And yet I’ve never considered that phrase to mean that. I’m sure many men from the past and present do consider that phrase to mean a form of ownership. But I think the point of putting the word “my” there rather than anything else is to express “exclusivity,” not ownership.

“She is MY girlfriend.” “He is MY boyfriend.” “They are MY partner.” These things express something very basic but very important about romantic relationships. Because if you are a person who believes strongly in monogamy—which I personally do—than all this means is that “You are My significant other, and nobody else’s.” Exclusivity in romantic relations, whatever they may be, promotes trust, it promotes emotional understanding, and it promotes a unique form of spiritual bonding that I find it very difficult to see occurring between more than two people. Although, I can’t really speak for what it is like for people in a polygamous relationship. So for those out there who do “legally” partake in it, I could be wrong, and there must be something more to it beyond what I’m sure people usually assume.

Nonetheless, in this instance, the use of the word “My” is very important, and the choice to not use the word “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” is equally so. Because while I think the word “My” suggests a form of mutual exclusivity between Steven and Connie, the use of the term “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” between the two could end up suggesting a sense of de-humanization, and maybe even disrespect.

What do I mean by this? Well think of it this way.

Steven began talking with Connie because he was first infatuated with her: which some of you may have forgotten, as I actually did. And after a very eye-opening experience for the two on their first adventure stuck inside Steven’s protective bubble, the two started spending all sorts of time together. Until eventually, Connie was so taken with Steven’s world of magic, aliens, and his death-defying Gem missions, that she deeply wanted to become a consistent and active part of his life: not just a “side character” who would exist only in Beach City like all the other cast members. She wants to be there for him, to help him, to protect him just as much as he would protect her: she doesn’t want to sit on the sidelines because she wants to be with him for as often and as long as she can. And I think you can imagine the implications of that.

So because Steven and Connie’s relationship is built upon this tightly-knit friendship that has slowly but surely grown into something more meaningful and “exclusive” that just BFFs, they are perhaps just as strong in bond as Greg and Rose (Steven’s parents) were when they were married. It’s a relationship that does not rely on the formalities, but transcends them and leaves them to the side because in the long run, they don’t matter. At this point in time, neither of these kids needs to show their affection by saying sweet nothings, giving each other chocolate, or kissing. They can show their affection through honest and heartfelt talks, dancing, larping and role-playing, bonding over fantasy novels, and of course, becoming Stevonnie: the Megazord to their Power-rangers if you will. Lol

In this way, because all the other tropes of a typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are not seen here, giving each other those labels would also cheapen the relationship that they do have, “thematically,” because they think of each other as “Steven” and “Connie,” “He is MY Steven,” “She is MY Connie.” This personalization of these phrases has a deep implication, while the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” don’t suggest the same level of respect and understanding. But their use of each other’s names after the word “My” is even further significant, because you typically only see adult married couples referring to each other thusly, which should quickly suggest how amazing their relationship truly is.

As a bit of comparison, let’s take a look at another animated couple who started out as friends, and became an “exclusive” couple, with all your “typical” tropes: much to my confusion and befuddlement: Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable.

Whether you liked seeing them together as a couple or not, I think you have to admit that, just like with my first girlfriend and me, there wasn’t as much there to connect the two as the show would like you to believe.

Ron Stoppable was the clumsy doofy geek who had a lot of energy, a lot of passion, and a need to be cool despite how others usually perceived him. He was an atypical character, because I don’t think his character type was every really a thing at least before the mid-90s. He was too cool to be a nerd, and he was too geeky to be considered officially cool (in universe). He didn’t have relationships very often: although he had one quite interesting potential relationship with a young Japanese girl (part-time ninja), named Yori, while he was off protecting a little baby from the diabolical plans of Monkey Fist.

Kim, on the other hand, was a confident, talented, acrobatic, highly attractive, ass-kicking high-school girl with an impressive grade-point average. She had her own crushes on a guy or two, including a cyborg during the events of the TV special, So the Drama. But she never seemed like the romantic type really.

Not quite the person to get involved in a relationship due to the danger of her job, much like how Korra eventually broke it off with Mako, because they both realized that the emotional ups and downs, the constant danger, and perhaps even their different personalities just weren’t going to hold together much longer. And while Kim’s life never felt as serious, dramatic, or Earth-shaking as Korra’s life, she still had a very strange profession and a lot of responsibility on her shoulders, which could make a relationship with anybody rather difficult. So shouldn’t a relationship with her crime-fighting partner make the most sense?

I’m not necessarily saying that Ron Stoppable and Kim Possible could never have a relationship. I do think there is grounds for them to have a real attraction for each other based on their loyalty and personality quirks, beyond a business partnership: just like how people have interpreted Black Widow and Hawkeye before we knew he was married. And I’m not saying that Kim couldn’t have an outside relationship with someone else if Ron wasn’t with her either. What I am saying, however, is that once the two did start going steady, it always felt forced, contrived, and tacked-on for the emotional satisfaction of the audience. Yes it does make for a heart-warming ending to the movie So the Drama, but the potential of this new relationship is completely ruined once new episodes were being made after the movie. Instead of just leaving well enough alone and having the movie be that final punctuation, allowing the viewing audience to make up their own continuing stories based on this new dynamic, the fans wanted more, so they got more. And what resulted from getting more was a somewhat hollow excuse for a steady romantic relationship between the two protagonists.

Kissing comes with the territory, but based on these screen-shots, they practically did it at least every other episode from that point on. Which wouldn’t be a problem, except I never bought that they loved each other in that way. Ron always seemed to have a very platonic and supportive relationship with Kim, as if he was just another brother or a cousin rather than a potential boyfriend. He wasn’t leering at her, he was always respectful, never felt a need to ask her out on a legit date unless he had no one else. Neither of them seemed romantically interested in the other. Even when he and Kim switched bodies for an episode, the show never addressed how it felt to be in each other’s bodies, and how that may have changed their perception of each other, emotionally, or physically. And Kim, specifically, always seemed far too busy and preoccupied with school, cheer-leading, and her constant missions to even make time in her life for a boyfriend, even if she clearly wanted one.

Besides which, I always viewed Ron Stoppable as the kind of character who wouldn’t get to kiss the starring girl in the show, but would instead hook up with someone else that was more his style. Again, not saying that Ron+Kim can’t ever work, but it felt more fitting to think that Ron would have someone else for him, and Kim would find her own guy as well. And then their villain busting would just be a job that the two would always have a working relationship over, aside from their romantic partners.

It never looked like the redefinition of them as “boyfriend and girlfriend” really changed who they were. It didn’t look like it affected them in a way that improved who they were, made them stronger, made them better people: individually and together. And it SHOULD have.

Relationships like these shouldn’t just be a series of formalities, labels, hugging, kissing, and present exchanging. It should be something that makes you better, makes you stronger, and benefits both of you in an emotional and even spiritual way. Because if not, then why would you need a significant other? You want to be with them, you want to spend time with them because you find them attractive, and you want to make your relationship exclusive, sure. But all that says is that you like the sight of them and you like having a warm body around. But if there is nothing else deeper or more meaningful beyond that, then your relationship is more likely to be a hollow void tied together by a bunch of words signifying only the merest elements of love and affection. Ron and Kim were pretty comfortable around each other doing all sorts of things, even spending the night together with Kim’s little brothers, watching late night movies. But after going steady, they never felt like they became different and/or better people than before by calling themselves “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” after So the Drama.

However, Steven and Connie have become better people, and exceptionally so.

Connie and Steven are worlds beyond what we would have usually called a romantic relationship. They know they love each other, so much so that they don’t need to say it yet: that will come with time. They don’t need to cuddle or be romantic in a poetic sense, because that sort of stuff is still more humorous to them than cute and charming: but that will also come with time. And they indirectly kissed by sharing a juice box once, which actually cured Connie’s eyesight. Anything more than that will come later, and it will most certainly come when their bond is tested to its limits, and they truly know, without a doubt, that they are meant to be together. I know I’ve been saying that their bond is strong and unwavering, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a lot more room to grow further and continue to redefine itself. They haven’t yet reached the point where they think of each other the way we might expect, mostly because they haven’t reached puberty yet. The introduction of Stevonnie allowed us to experience that aspect of them a lot earlier than we would have otherwise. But I think we could still see some aspect of puberty brought up sooner or later as the show goes on, and I have no doubt that something or other is going to try to rock this boat about to see if there are any cracks in the hull.

Again, I know that’s probably a bit scary to think about for some of you: I don’t even like to think about their relationship having problems because it’s so amazing to see them in-sync. But this show lives on its ability to be as “real,” “honest,” and surprisingly unexpected, so there is most definitely going to be some rough waters in the future for these two. Maybe it will be big, maybe it will be small. But storywise, something has to happen that will allow them to grow even closer than they are now. We may even see them break apart for a while. There’s always a chance. But in the end, I have to believe that creator and writer, Rebecca Sugar, wants these two to end up together in the end. She wants them to be a model for other young children and teens, as an example of how to treat and understand one another in a relationship like theirs. It may be idealistic, and unrealistic in its context with magic, sword-play, and aliens. But the relationship that they have is not impossible, and it isn’t something that people can never have. I think we’d all be thankful and blessed to have what these two have together.

No pretense, no hollow labels, no pointless formalities: just pure, innocent attraction, stalwart solidarity, and reverence. These are what prove their relationship is real. And it is a sight to behold.

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